As you guys can probably see, there hasn’t been a blog post in a while, and when there is, it hasn’t been one like before- a post where I’ve put 100% effort and passion into.
I’ve been asking myself this a lot. When I began making Youtube videos and putting in more time into growing my little channel, I promised myself that I wouldn’t become like the thousands of other bloggers who moved on to other forms of media and abandoned their first passion project. There are so many bloggers that started Youtube or other “bigger” projects, and then gradually with time, blog posts began to just be a place to promote.
I feel like I’ve failed you guys, but I’ve also failed myself. This blog was my niche, my creative outlet, my safe place. I miss it. I miss making thumbnails, taking photos, writing, and connecting. Even if I don’t have a big audience, I still put 100% of my efforts into this site. Www.Keliee.com, a domain name I purchased with my own money, encompasses so much.
I desperately want to keep this blog alive and work to grow it, but in a 12 hour day, I cant simply find the time and strength to focus on taking photos, thinking of creative post ideas, and sitting down to write. All my creative juice goes into videos, and even that I struggle with. I’m a high school student, and even though that isn’t an excuse because I’m 100% invested in my passion projects, I’m lost because I feel like I’ve tacked on too many things on my shoulders.
It’s easy to imitate what others are doing. I’m influenced by so many artists and people, and so when I started my Youtube channel, I planned on doing beauty and fashion videos- just because that’s what other people were doing. But on this blog, I could be myself and share what I love. I consider myself an artist- an aspiring filmmaker, musician, photographer, whatever. These past few weeks I’ve been re-thinking my content. I don’t want to turn into somehow who posts content that’s seen everywhere on Youtube. I want to be original, but I also seem to have too many hobbies. I like beauty and fashion. I love making travel videos. I hope to produce short films one day. I want to be remembered and I want to inspire people. I want to do things that affect people’s lives. These are such complex and ginormous goals for a 15 year old girl. I spend my waking hours and sleepless nights thinking of how I can refine my content, and find my true calling, yet build up an audience.
And that’s why I haven’t been blogging. There are too many things on my mind, so many ideas but at the same time, no ideas at all. It’s ironic because that’s what blogs are for right? Pouring out late night ramblings, feelings, emotions, and ideas. And I think partially the reason I haven’t been doing it is because up to now, this blog has been an imitation of other blogs I enjoy and follow religiously- ones who provide beauty and fashion CONTENT and INFORMATION. Non personal blogs that people read not because interest in the blogger, but interest in their tips and tutorials. I don’t want to be that. Sure, I want to share with you guys outfits, makeup, health, and things I know, but I also want this blog to be a place for me.
See, ever since I started blogging, my thinking has always been “What I can I blog about for people?” But it hasn’t really been “What can I blog for people and what can I write about to make myself happy?”
I tried to maintain this image of perfection and professionalism, and while that may work for a while, it gets tiring. For me, I couldn’t do it anymore. And the result was I just stopped.
I don’t want to stop blogging. Even if no one is reading, I want to keep this baby of mine alive. I built this blog from the ground up, and it’s a constant reminder of my sweat, tears, all nighters, and that exhilarating feeling of success when I got my first sponsorship and first reader comment. I never want to forget what these things feel like, which is why I wrote this post as not just an explanation to you guys, but a reminder to myself.
I don’t even know if this makes sense. I’m just spewing out everything that’s been on mind while Illenium plays in the background, haha. Thanks for sticking around and supporting me. I love you guys.
Lots of love,